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FAQ > Microaggressions & fetishization

Last updated: September 20, 2021

Microaggressions & fetishization

Microaggressions: When people’s biases against marginalized groups present in a way that leaves you feeling uncomfortable or insulted.

Fetishization: A sexual fascination with things not inherently sexual. The fetishization of people because of race, gender, or sexuality can be harmful or dehumanizing.

We understand that everyone has their own way of dealing with these things.

Maybe you prefer to shut down a conversation immediately, or maybe you prefer to call someone out to explain why their behavior was harmful.

It’s important to know that either way is ok and there is no right or wrong.

If somebody behaves on the app in a way you’re not ok with and you’d like us to take care of it for you, use Block & Report or reach out to our team.

Otherwise, if you feel safe and decide to talk to your match yourself, these tips may help:

  • Try to understand whether their harmful behavior was intentional or not.
  • If intentional, end the chat – it’s not on you to change their values or beliefs.
  • If unintentional, know that the next step in talking about it isn’t to blame or shame.
  • Instead, calmly communicate the thing they did that was hurtful and explain why.
  • Wait and listen. You’ve done what you can, and you can’t control their reaction.
  • If they get defensive, it might be time to end the chat.
  • If they thank you for calling them out, great. Talk about it more or move on together!


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